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i mean nothing to you.

i'm PMS.
so you should have been prepared for this to happen.
but nooooo.
you just had to make things to go your way.

well no more!
you will not take advantage of my weakness !
i'm done of being blame !

you always put me high and throw me down like i'm nothing to you !

i'm not gonna, no.
not again..
i've cried my eyes everytime you left me all alone.

and you always endup saying sorry, and i always forgive you and take you back..

i'm sorry that i'm not perfect !
i'm sorry that i'm dumb !
i'm sorry that i'm blur !
and i'm sorry that i can't do what you ask me to.

i can't answer things straight !
cause i'm the type of person who forget things.
especially when having the TIME OF THE MONTH !
fuck !

i've done it...
it's done..
but why am i crying now ?
why am i feeling sad...

when i'm the one who decide this..
i'm the one who chose this path..

i feel like i didn't want it to end this way !

i hate it when you're not here !

i hate you i hate you i hate you !
i'm wishing, in every single way of me saying this i would eventually hate you !
cuase right now...i can't hate you at all....


my heart is wrecking.
fuck !

from a great conversation, it suddenly change into some kind of beastly fight.
you are soooo stupid to ask me with that kind of question !

(talking on the phone)

ok, fine. what i wrote above, was what i wrote while i was feeling unstable.

now i see clearly.
and hard to say that if i'm feeling better.
cause i'm not.

it's a good thing when someone is still holding on to you.
after what you did to them.
but the question is, would you hold them as well ?
after what they did ?

you know... this is hard.
the hot and cold thing.

i mean, you love them, but you just don't think they deserve the right to hurt you again.
but it's hard, cause you know that you can't let them go.
cause you love them so much, even though your heart is like already in bits and pieces.


maybe they're right. maybe i'm too young to be in love.
maybe i put myself in a huge hole too soon.

pushing them far away eventhough knowing that you fucking hell love them,
is like denying how much you love them.
lying to them as in hurting them and yourself, when you know that you need them.

oh great, i'm a hypocrite.
God, when will this ever end.


ps; if i could just turn back time.
i want to turn back time to the moment where i first shook hands with love.
to moment when i thrown myself into hell/heaven situation.
if i could !... i would shake hands the right way and not get myself thrown as fast as lightning.


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Saturday, May 29, 2010 3:00 AM
Posted by — Fasya Ibrahim.

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Random Thoughts

ps; this post was meant to be post on 15th of May, but i didnt complete it -__-'

why do we like to hurt so much ?
why do i like to put myself in horrible situations ?
it's not like i enjoy to be hurt.
do u ?
of course you don't.

but then, in every angle of life, we always throw ourselves in such terrible places.
either unwillingly.. or WILLINGLY.

you know why we are willing to be hurt by people, to hurt ourselves ?
because we always put others first.
and that's the problem.

i'm not saying as if i'm smart enough to handle my own problem.
to be honest, i'm having the same problem as you are my friend.

i tend to blind my eyes and let my heart out open wide so that people could actually stomp on it.
which is crazy, but that's what i do.
willing or unwillingly.
because i love them..

in hopes that they could actually see that and stop,
but they don't.
thats why they don't appreciate as how they should.
in the end, they took you lightly and hurt you.

the reason that i am writing this post..
is because today i have marked a day that i let myself being hurt again by my loved ones.

i'm already used to it.
at least that's a perfect excuse for me to cover up how broken hearted i am.

but you know, with one simple sorry or even looking at their eyes,
since you're already love them so much that you sacrifice your feelings for them, of course, when they say they're sorry,
you would straight away blindly forgive them.

i stopped there -__-'
ok i don't knw how to continue this post :|

ok, one last sentence.
that blindly forgive thingy ?
well i don't know about u, but i do that often.

oh well-___-'

ps; i miss you. real bad.
you're still a friend that i need.
stop acting this way.
do you really love me ? sigh..


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Thursday, May 20, 2010 4:59 AM
Posted by — Fasya Ibrahim.

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Nokia Bluetooth Stereo Headset BH-505

ok saya nak ni, faham ?
ada kaw paham ?

Nokia Bluetooth Stereo Headset BH-505
it's wireless, so no more long wires that gets tangled up -__-'
easy for jogging. miahaha XD

and best part, no need to connect to the phone.
pfft kang tertarik-tarik wayar -__-'

i just realised, my phone is only 5 months old.
aww my poor baby is sick :(
i haven't been taking good care of it :(
phoney, don't die on me please.
i still need you :(

unless i get a new phone :P

ps; i'm listening to blue - breathe easy.
sigh :(

please tell me you still need me :(
so insecure -___-'


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Sunday, May 16, 2010 5:06 AM
Posted by — Fasya Ibrahim.

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Overload of Emotions

i'm sick and tired of being sad.
it's not that i dont have friends.
i'm not alone.
it's just that i feel lonely. pathetic right ?
i have alot of friends that would probably slap my face right now if they find out that i didn't run to them when i'm feeling all blue like this.

i'm sorry my bitches.
sometimes, being all emo and sad just takes away your sense and makes you feel like you want to feel left out in this world.

i don't really feel like continuing with this post.
i mean, it's not like you've never felt what i am going through right now.

feels like everyone in this world blames you for everything.
feels like you are screaming so loud. so hard.. so bad.. but still not one person can hear you.

you're crying so hard that every time you breathe in air your lungs pushed it back out and your heart is like being ripped out slowly from your body that you don't feel like you're breathing at all.

it's beating so fast that you feel like you're living and dying at the same time.
you end up, bringing your hands close to your face asking yourself, what am i doing here ? why am i feeling this terrible pain ?
why am i suffering ?

whoa! talk about emotional.
i end up telling you how i feel actually.
well bits of it.

it's normal..
to feel that way..
or should i say, to feel how i feel right now..
is it ? is it normal ?

at least i know that i'm already used to this.

heh what a liar, i'm such a liar.
maybe acai is right.
i am a liar.

heh no.
i'm not.
i strongly believe i'm not a liar.

just because i don't tell people or be honest with myself, doesnt mean i'm a liar.

i mean, whats the freaking point anyway ?
whats the point of ME telling how i really feel when i know in the end it'll all come back to me ?

"you have to think thoroughly. maybe its your fault that you got yourself into this.

"you're selfish, you keep making mistakes and now you're pointing fingers at others."

"you're so immature. crying over something. it won't help anything. you need keep yourself calm."

oh and my 'FAVOURITE' one.

"aww, i know how you feel."

EFF you.

it's there any point of saying that ?

*sending a msg*

well that was a long msg.
you're probably asleep right now.
i just hope.. when you read it.. you won't be mad at me..

i'm done.
i have nothing else to say.
or should i say, there's nothing else that i can say.

all i know, it's just not fair.

it's not fair when someone people can hurt my feelings but i can't.
it's not fair that you can be mad at me, but i can't.

it's not fair that i'm always the one to be blame.


oh well..

ps; this pain will never go away.



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Friday, May 14, 2010 2:51 AM
Posted by — Fasya Ibrahim.

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Boyfriend's Ex

at this moment,
i wish that there was a manual for 'How To Talk To Your Boyfriend's ExGirlfriend'.

cause i don't know :|

i mean, unless she has a boyfriend already.
but the fact that she doesn't.
and the fact she stills care for my boyfriend.

how did i know that ? cause i'm chatting with her right now 0_0
well, she does most of the chatting.
while i just went from bad mood to overdose with sadness and pain now -__-'

oh god, she's asking me to take care of him.
i know it's nice but why is it so hard for me to swallow this in !

so what, she's prettier ! she's skinny ! well at least she has the model figure that girls die for.
so i can't help myself for feeling insecure !
oh god ! she said that they were going to get engaged !
"tapi jodoh tda.."

oh that helps me very much !
the funny thing, she seems like she's trying to make me see the good side of him.
and whats with this talk saying "jangan gado2" and "fhmi dia"

like wth ?

i'm on the edge of pushing myself off the cliff.
why ?
now she is saying something opposite of what i heard before.

i'm being lied again and again.

oh great, i'm such a hypocrite.

me :"oh really ? thx."

oh right oppa , jaga hati i ek ?
pfft f*.


should i say it to her ? so that she get a smack in the face? a slap back to reality ?

since i don't know who's lying and who's telling the truth ? *evil smile*


well, that shut her up for good.
why ? can't face the truth ?
too bad.

i'm sorry, i can't be hypocrite like u.
i'm sorry, i don't live to please people honey.
your lies won't do you any good.

where's the manual when you need one.

fasya out !
i always wanted to say that :B

ps; i'm broken. again and again.
now, there's no body to trust, and no one to hold on to.
i'm alone again.
i have friends, but i feel so lonely.
heh, how pathetic..



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Thursday, May 13, 2010 11:32 PM
Posted by — Fasya Ibrahim.

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Nothing To Say 0_0

let me just say i am the GREEEEEEATEST Procrastinator ev-ah! ;)
i've been home for 5 days, and i have yet to update my blog.
like pfft, it's not like i'm busy.
i online Facebook 24-7 ever since i got home.
and i opened my blog daily.
oh which reminds me, i have yet to complete reading fazra's blog -__-'

i've been missing alot !! X'(

i've been living under a rock :'(
oh well..
i've got 2 months to catch up with things :)

i need to find job regardless of not allowed to work during sem break.
it's not the money that i'm aiming, it's the time.
well then again, maybe not working wouldn't be that bad..

oh no no no ! staying up until 6 am ? and waking at 2 pm !
OH my Oh my.
now that wouldn't do me good, would it ?

oh i know alot of people already post this but..


ps; don't worry nunu, you'll be coming back to Malaysia soon right ? :D

the last decent picture with my oppa :3

no offence oppa, but most of our picture were like.. err controversial ? LOL
plus you always make faces -__-'

anyway, credits to tina for capturing it secretly :P
it come out pretty good.
thx to you, i have a great pic of me and my husband ;)
haha !

anyway, it's 5.15 am.
i don't know what to say anymore.
oh oh !

i'll be reading and eating up all your posts soon k.
fazra, nuha, atok, and the rest blogger whom i've been not updating myself with -___-'

i need to stop being lazy.
but i can't help it that i always online with my butt on the bed *smile with eyes closed*

oh oh random fact, will not really.
this post, it was meant for yesterday.
see, there i go again ! procrastinate *smiles with eyes closed*

oh well :)

current song listening: you belong with - taylor swift
ps; i'm confused. i miss you. please call. or sms ? one sms would ease me :)
but please, don't stop sms me at all. even when you're mad.
pretty please ?
i love you :)



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Wednesday, May 12, 2010 3:59 AM
Posted by — Fasya Ibrahim.
FASYA IBRAHIM (facebook)
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