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breakup is not the answer

emo song emo song emo song. haha it kinda suits my life now. my parents is throwing me away to melaka. my brothers is controlling my life and ordering me cleaning up after their messes. my bestfriend has move on with her bf without me. my family is drifting apart that raya nowadays means nothing than just an empty day. everybody is blaming me for what has happen to me. wow they make it sound like i really want to suffer. its like i choose to live with all these pain. thnks guys. the best part? i'm stuck between my past memories with my one true love. jiwang sgt? biar pi lah! haha you noe, i dun mnd being kick and slapped by my parents and brothers. i don't mind being left behind by my own bestfriend. i'm used to it now. but losing my one and only life? whoa its like somebody just pull the oxygen plug.

but there's nothing i cud do anymore. i'm hopeless and worthless. fate is not on my side. like shahril said, mybe i'm the only one who really cherish and remembers all of the memories. mybe it was only me who felt it was right eventhough it was wrong. yes tini i know i said that when worst thing happen, a better beginning was just about to start. the thing is, the ending of my relationship meant ending of my own life. when life is gone, even the sweetness of life cudn't be taste anymore. fun? i dun get it. happy? like how? move on? pls tell me how to move on when 17 years i've searched and i've never found someone like him before. i kno
w if i spent another 17 years, i'm never gonna found anyone like him. ever again.

i'm sick and tired but this tears just keep rolling on my cheeks. i even can't stop myself from crying yesterday. with a simple smile by my twins, and i cried. they beginning to remember me.they can walk. they ran to me when they saw me at the front door. but they never knew, this wasn't the hardest part. the hardest part of it is after all of this, letting go. letting go someone you really love. like ripping your heart out to make them happy..

jika memang diriku
bukan lah menjadi pilihan hatimu
mungkin sudah ta
kdirnya
kau dan aku takkan mesti bersatu

harus slalu kau tau
kumencintamu disepanjang waktuku
harus slalu kau tau
semua abadi untuk
slamanya

karena kuyakin cinta dalam hatiku
hanya milikmu sampai akhir hidupku
karena kuyakin disetiap hembus nafasku

hanya dirimu satu yang slalu kurindu

mybe this happens to show that i have friends that really care about me.. but why do i still feel empty? you know why.
ugh.. my life is so unstable right now. funny, just few days ago we were laughing and wishing happy monthiversary. and just when i push myself to limit to get my life back in shape so that i don't feel so miserable and don't lean on other people so much, everything just crashes before my eyes.

why evry single action that i do, people keep interpreting it in the wrong way? am i really that bad? why can't they see from my point of view? why does it has to be negative? wrong? why we have to give up a war that hasn't even really begun? huh..

oh well take care everybody, i'm going to melaka for good. i see myself not really needed anymore at shah alam. so might as well go some place where i don't bother and hurt anyone anymore. especially u zaki. enjoy ur space. mybe i'll be back, mybe not? who knows. lets just wait and see... i'm just happy that you're happy. scratch that, i'm happy when you're happy.

i just want you to know that i might not gonna be here anymore. so forgive me. ily

notes; finding an open door is hard when you're still looking at the closed door. forgetting someone you love, is like remembering someone you don't even know.
- shahril said i'm still in his family. no matter what, i'm still his evil sis inlaw.. thx shahril... that really.. huh... thnk you.. :'(

ps; appreciate the one that you love before its too late. you may not know when your gonna lose them. but until that day comes, cherish while you still have it, cause you're never gonna get that chance when their not there anymore. and as always, i love you my friends. :'(

take care everybody! till we meet again.. toodles.

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Wednesday, December 10, 2008 4:02 AM
Posted by — Fasya Ibrahim.
FASYA IBRAHIM (facebook)
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