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aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

before you say any word, i would like to remind you this is MY BLOG. meaning 'I', can do WHATEVER i WANT with it. ok?

so here goes, arrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( x1000000000000000000000000 ) and thats not even half of it. pffffffffffffffffffffffffffttttt.

the thing about life, is that when you were just about to be happy, it knocks you down so hard that you crashed to the ground and the 'best' part of it, is that how to get up back.
sorry if i'm rude, but DAMN!!!
again, i am here. 3 am in the morning. doing this post. i think this could be my new habit. when i have problems, i'll stay up all night and exactly at 3 am, i'll do a post. if your a good fan of my blog, you would notice that few of my posts that i've posted ( that sounds so weird -_-) at 3 am consists of my struts and frets in life ( wait, this sounds familiar.. ). no wonder eyebags are always there. pft but what do i care. i never even least give a damn about my facial features. cause' i know this is who i am. and nothing's ever gonna change. if i'm ugly, boo-hoo. i might as well be.

i'm mad,angry,frustrated,sad,guilty,devastated,miserable,cranky, etc etc etc. every single words that describe grief and sorrowness. yup that is so me. pathetic.
i'm emo? shut up. you would do the same damn thing if you were in my state fool.
plus i'm hungry that my stomach is making an orchestra. which is a BAD thing.
bonus to the tears that is rolling down my cheeks. pfft the greatest. thank you LIFE.

you are the most stupidest girl i've ever known! ( i'm referring to myself fyi, jgn terasa)
lately ppl keep judging me and labelling me as if they really know me. pfft you don't know a single thing about me. so hush up! blaming others for your own mistakes, who do you think you are? God? pffft puh-lease. can't you just for once! listen to me?! sometimes, i wish i could just get into that brain of yours and see what the hell is inside. you keep asking me what do i want, well let me ask you, what do you REALLY WANT? i guess you're happy aren't ya? being all sarcasticly mean and all. and seeing me breakdown all the time. i'm sure some of us are laughing and mocking me for my stupid miserable state rite now. [1] i've pushed away a guy that really 'cares' and 'know' all about me ( which it doesn't really matter cause' from the BEGINNING i'm so over him. shut up! i am over it sengal! ) but still you think i still have a thing for him. oh shut up. you don't even know anything. can't you see, how i am drooling over my boyfriend. can't you see how desperate i am for my own boyfriend. yes. DESPERATE. it's as if i'm not coupling with him. but i AM. which means I AM TOO IN LOVE WITH HIM. and to think that anybody would understand it. i don't blame. i mean it seems like everybody is thinking the same way. pfft they just assume from what they see,saw and hear. but they won't know the real truth until you listen first-hand from my stupid blabber mouth. everyday, i wait patiently for my msg to be replied. everyday i keep wondering what he is doing,what he is thinking, why he is doing this and that ( yeah i'm thinking too much. sorry but thats just me). sometimes i cried for being so helpless cause' i can't help him. sometimes i cried cause i can't be a better girlfriend. sometimes i cried for missing him too much. sometimes i cried for feeling grateful to get to have him. right now, i'm crying for crushing his heart, for being such a low stupid jealous selfish bitch, for not going with my instinct in the first place, for not respecting his own principles, for letting my heart and emotions win over my own optimistic mind. no matter how hard they tried to convince me that i have the right to be jealous, but i know much better to trust him and to trust my own best friend. but i screwed up big time.

so i was jealous. so what? everybody gets jealous sometimes. sorry but i think you have heard the word imperfect. I'M NOT PERFECT. NOBODY is. and unfortunately i was pissed off over many things that my -again- stupid blabber mouth said some words that i shouldn't have. the thing is i wasn't aiming at you. yes i was jealous. but you have no idea how furious i am that day. it feels like the world was laughing while circling around me. pffft! listen here, everybody makes mistakes. some are lucky cause they got away with their mistakes. why? cause there's few ppl -who doesn't hold grudges and forgive without hesitate- that still exists. and guess what, you are one of the lucky ones. i'm not. when i do something bad whether big or small, ppl judge me from head to toe and they'll remember it for the rest of their lives. and here we go again, labelling. " that bitch. i'll never forget what she did.", "ko ingat lagi tak ape yang ko buat masa lps2? ko ingat aku x sakit ati lagi psl tu? aku ingat smpi mati! tpi aku maafkan jugak (maaf la sgt)", " i'm tired of this crap. again! you ruined it! haven't you learn anything from past?!" now that sounds my parents. no matter what subjects, whether spm,upsr,pmr,rudeness,being late,being right (they never admit that they're wrong. so they blame me frm not telling). but i think my dad stop caring about me last week ago. whoopie me. pfft oh that leads to [2] i've just lost my own parents' love.

[3] i've ruined my best relationship i've ever had. it can't never be compared to any other relationship. but he declined me. well sort of.

[4] and i've lost my bestfriend. she hates me ( ps; i don't hate you at all! sengal...), she doesn't wanna talk to me, she's mad at me, she's hurt ( pffffft!), and i think i'd be better off died. whoa, now i sound like my dad. haha trust me, if you think that you'd be happy if i die, give me a gun and i'll shot myself. but that sounds as if i'm insane! haha giler ke ape saya ni? saya masih ada maruah dan iman lagi. saya tak berkhidmat pada kamu, saya berkhidmat pada Allah.

the no1 doesn't bother me anymore, but the no2,3 and 4 are running through my minds every seconds which makes it hard to concentrate on spm. which i'm really terrified rite now if i can do it or not. i'm like totally out of balanced and really down on myself. it feels like you have a major hots on your boyfriend but your boyfriend doesn't acknowledge you at all. he just stares you blankly as if we're strangers. as if he doesn't love you anymore which is frustrating cause you're like so in love with him and trying to get to him.

and from the above i only wish few things to help me calm down for a few minutes of life ;

a. forget all the mistakes that i've done
b. knowing ways how to fix things again
c. her forgiveness
d. his forgiveness
e. daddy and mama
f. 10a1
g. things back to the way it was ( i miss being so happy with them, i miss zaki's real laugh, i miss him most of all, i miss daddy's and mama's hug, i miss les fab hugs, i miss my bestie,i miss queeny,tini,lala,gjie and above all, i miss me. i miss laughing for real, i miss smiling for real, i miss...i miss...i miss zaki...)

but i know i've lost it. i've lost it all. its gone... *tearstearstears*

goodbye lovely life, welcome back misery pain.


ps; sorry for the enormous gigantic emo post. i just, don't know where to turn anymore. i just don't wanna hurt and burden zaki anymore. he's hurt enough to even talk to me about this.

funny notes; thnk you adilah. you opened up my eyes alil. thnks ashie. i'm sorry for everything. yes, i'm stupid. thnks irham for trying to comfort me. and i'm sorry to everybody that i've hurt. we all make mistakes, thats how we learn to live. no matter how hard we try to avoid it, we will end up making mistakes.

i'm sorry QUEENY
i'm sorry MOOSE
i'm sorry LALA
i'm sorry TINI
i'm sorry GJIE
i'm sorry DADDY
i'm sorry MAMA
i'm sorry BROTHERS
i'm sorry NASRUDIN
i'm sorry ASHIKIN
i'm sorry 5 SCIENCE 2
i'm sorry SIK
i'm sorry smks 9
i'm sorry HAMZAH
i'm sorry smks 18

good luck spm-ers, Bismillahirrahmanirrahim... terangkanlah hati kami Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, lapangkan dada kami agar kami dpt menempuh cabaran ini dengan sabar, tabah dan tenang. luaskan pemikiran kami agar kami dapat menjawab soalan2 SPM. tunjukkanlah jln yang benar dan lurus dan jgn Kau pesongkan hati kami. kurniakanlah kami kejayaan dan jauhi kami dari hasad dengki, keburukan,bala dan kekecewaan di dunia dan di akhirat. ampunilah dosa2 kami sesungguhnya Engkau maha pengampun lagi Maha mengasihi. Amin ya rabbal a'lamin...

good day and assalamualaikum wbt..

pss: i love you :(




i respect you, and i really mean it.

Labels: famiglia, friends, my voice, sadness

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Back to Home
« »

aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

before you say any word, i would like to remind you this is MY BLOG. meaning 'I', can do WHATEVER i WANT with it. ok?

so here goes, arrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( x1000000000000000000000000 ) and thats not even half of it. pffffffffffffffffffffffffffttttt.

the thing about life, is that when you were just about to be happy, it knocks you down so hard that you crashed to the ground and the 'best' part of it, is that how to get up back.
sorry if i'm rude, but DAMN!!!
again, i am here. 3 am in the morning. doing this post. i think this could be my new habit. when i have problems, i'll stay up all night and exactly at 3 am, i'll do a post. if your a good fan of my blog, you would notice that few of my posts that i've posted ( that sounds so weird -_-) at 3 am consists of my struts and frets in life ( wait, this sounds familiar.. ). no wonder eyebags are always there. pft but what do i care. i never even least give a damn about my facial features. cause' i know this is who i am. and nothing's ever gonna change. if i'm ugly, boo-hoo. i might as well be.

i'm mad,angry,frustrated,sad,guilty,devastated,miserable,cranky, etc etc etc. every single words that describe grief and sorrowness. yup that is so me. pathetic.
i'm emo? shut up. you would do the same damn thing if you were in my state fool.
plus i'm hungry that my stomach is making an orchestra. which is a BAD thing.
bonus to the tears that is rolling down my cheeks. pfft the greatest. thank you LIFE.

you are the most stupidest girl i've ever known! ( i'm referring to myself fyi, jgn terasa)
lately ppl keep judging me and labelling me as if they really know me. pfft you don't know a single thing about me. so hush up! blaming others for your own mistakes, who do you think you are? God? pffft puh-lease. can't you just for once! listen to me?! sometimes, i wish i could just get into that brain of yours and see what the hell is inside. you keep asking me what do i want, well let me ask you, what do you REALLY WANT? i guess you're happy aren't ya? being all sarcasticly mean and all. and seeing me breakdown all the time. i'm sure some of us are laughing and mocking me for my stupid miserable state rite now. [1] i've pushed away a guy that really 'cares' and 'know' all about me ( which it doesn't really matter cause' from the BEGINNING i'm so over him. shut up! i am over it sengal! ) but still you think i still have a thing for him. oh shut up. you don't even know anything. can't you see, how i am drooling over my boyfriend. can't you see how desperate i am for my own boyfriend. yes. DESPERATE. it's as if i'm not coupling with him. but i AM. which means I AM TOO IN LOVE WITH HIM. and to think that anybody would understand it. i don't blame. i mean it seems like everybody is thinking the same way. pfft they just assume from what they see,saw and hear. but they won't know the real truth until you listen first-hand from my stupid blabber mouth. everyday, i wait patiently for my msg to be replied. everyday i keep wondering what he is doing,what he is thinking, why he is doing this and that ( yeah i'm thinking too much. sorry but thats just me). sometimes i cried for being so helpless cause' i can't help him. sometimes i cried cause i can't be a better girlfriend. sometimes i cried for missing him too much. sometimes i cried for feeling grateful to get to have him. right now, i'm crying for crushing his heart, for being such a low stupid jealous selfish bitch, for not going with my instinct in the first place, for not respecting his own principles, for letting my heart and emotions win over my own optimistic mind. no matter how hard they tried to convince me that i have the right to be jealous, but i know much better to trust him and to trust my own best friend. but i screwed up big time.

so i was jealous. so what? everybody gets jealous sometimes. sorry but i think you have heard the word imperfect. I'M NOT PERFECT. NOBODY is. and unfortunately i was pissed off over many things that my -again- stupid blabber mouth said some words that i shouldn't have. the thing is i wasn't aiming at you. yes i was jealous. but you have no idea how furious i am that day. it feels like the world was laughing while circling around me. pffft! listen here, everybody makes mistakes. some are lucky cause they got away with their mistakes. why? cause there's few ppl -who doesn't hold grudges and forgive without hesitate- that still exists. and guess what, you are one of the lucky ones. i'm not. when i do something bad whether big or small, ppl judge me from head to toe and they'll remember it for the rest of their lives. and here we go again, labelling. " that bitch. i'll never forget what she did.", "ko ingat lagi tak ape yang ko buat masa lps2? ko ingat aku x sakit ati lagi psl tu? aku ingat smpi mati! tpi aku maafkan jugak (maaf la sgt)", " i'm tired of this crap. again! you ruined it! haven't you learn anything from past?!" now that sounds my parents. no matter what subjects, whether spm,upsr,pmr,rudeness,being late,being right (they never admit that they're wrong. so they blame me frm not telling). but i think my dad stop caring about me last week ago. whoopie me. pfft oh that leads to [2] i've just lost my own parents' love.

[3] i've ruined my best relationship i've ever had. it can't never be compared to any other relationship. but he declined me. well sort of.

[4] and i've lost my bestfriend. she hates me ( ps; i don't hate you at all! sengal...), she doesn't wanna talk to me, she's mad at me, she's hurt ( pffffft!), and i think i'd be better off died. whoa, now i sound like my dad. haha trust me, if you think that you'd be happy if i die, give me a gun and i'll shot myself. but that sounds as if i'm insane! haha giler ke ape saya ni? saya masih ada maruah dan iman lagi. saya tak berkhidmat pada kamu, saya berkhidmat pada Allah.

the no1 doesn't bother me anymore, but the no2,3 and 4 are running through my minds every seconds which makes it hard to concentrate on spm. which i'm really terrified rite now if i can do it or not. i'm like totally out of balanced and really down on myself. it feels like you have a major hots on your boyfriend but your boyfriend doesn't acknowledge you at all. he just stares you blankly as if we're strangers. as if he doesn't love you anymore which is frustrating cause you're like so in love with him and trying to get to him.

and from the above i only wish few things to help me calm down for a few minutes of life ;

a. forget all the mistakes that i've done
b. knowing ways how to fix things again
c. her forgiveness
d. his forgiveness
e. daddy and mama
f. 10a1
g. things back to the way it was ( i miss being so happy with them, i miss zaki's real laugh, i miss him most of all, i miss daddy's and mama's hug, i miss les fab hugs, i miss my bestie,i miss queeny,tini,lala,gjie and above all, i miss me. i miss laughing for real, i miss smiling for real, i miss...i miss...i miss zaki...)

but i know i've lost it. i've lost it all. its gone... *tearstearstears*

goodbye lovely life, welcome back misery pain.


ps; sorry for the enormous gigantic emo post. i just, don't know where to turn anymore. i just don't wanna hurt and burden zaki anymore. he's hurt enough to even talk to me about this.

funny notes; thnk you adilah. you opened up my eyes alil. thnks ashie. i'm sorry for everything. yes, i'm stupid. thnks irham for trying to comfort me. and i'm sorry to everybody that i've hurt. we all make mistakes, thats how we learn to live. no matter how hard we try to avoid it, we will end up making mistakes.

i'm sorry QUEENY
i'm sorry MOOSE
i'm sorry LALA
i'm sorry TINI
i'm sorry GJIE
i'm sorry DADDY
i'm sorry MAMA
i'm sorry BROTHERS
i'm sorry NASRUDIN
i'm sorry ASHIKIN
i'm sorry 5 SCIENCE 2
i'm sorry SIK
i'm sorry smks 9
i'm sorry HAMZAH
i'm sorry smks 18

good luck spm-ers, Bismillahirrahmanirrahim... terangkanlah hati kami Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, lapangkan dada kami agar kami dpt menempuh cabaran ini dengan sabar, tabah dan tenang. luaskan pemikiran kami agar kami dapat menjawab soalan2 SPM. tunjukkanlah jln yang benar dan lurus dan jgn Kau pesongkan hati kami. kurniakanlah kami kejayaan dan jauhi kami dari hasad dengki, keburukan,bala dan kekecewaan di dunia dan di akhirat. ampunilah dosa2 kami sesungguhnya Engkau maha pengampun lagi Maha mengasihi. Amin ya rabbal a'lamin...

good day and assalamualaikum wbt..

pss: i love you :(




i respect you, and i really mean it.

Labels: famiglia, friends, my voice, sadness