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ok, so here's the thing.

i've got tons of things to say. not to mention, while i was laying on my bed,every sentence dat i wanna write in my blog pops out of nowhere. but it seems everytime i try to write it in the blog, i frgot all those wonderful lines that i feel so pissed off with myself for aving short-term memory in all the good stuff i produce. instead i cramped myself up with the bad stuff of life n bcoz i'm stuck in remembering all the negativity dat i try to make myself like a clown in my whole entire life. usually being optimistic is not a bad thing, thinking from the good side of the story. yeah i can live with that. but guess what, it ain't easy as it said. yeah yeah words are too easy. face, hah much more worst. you can easily deceive ppl. especially when lying is in the palm of your hand.pfft i just lost my point here. well if you have any characteristic from above, well let me tell you sumfing, u can't fool a fool. well apparently i'm a fool. so lets cut to the chase, i can see through u. wateva you do, wateva you say, wateva you think. its not always true. hey everybody ave their own little lie. but i ave been lying for my whole life. n i'm not saying dis proudly actually or just to be a big head, but i apparently can see all ur tricks. n its killing me actually. cuz i know wuts in ur heart.
all ur words. it doesn't mean a thing.
even when u dun say a word, ur face shows everything.
even when ur emotionless, i noe wut ur thinking.
look, we all noe that this is neva gonna end if no one is opening up. and bcoz of dat, i ave to figure dis out all by myself. finding the clues to all the puzzles dat u've made. or maybe i'm da one who cause all this? i dunno. i'm still trying to suit all the pieces. n guess wut? sum pieces is still missing.
where? dunno.
how? dunno.
what? not what.
but who. its u.
huh..look, i'm not saying as if i'm not like dat too. i mean.. yeah i go through the same hell thing.. i fake my smile, i laugh when i wanna cry. but i do tell. ask anybody. well not anybody, but ppl dat are close n dear to me. i do tell how i feel sumtimes. n it ease me alil bit. yet part of me wishes dat u were the one who was there by my side listening to my confessions. but i dun want to be the only one who confess while u being there like an advice talking booth. i dun want another councelor or a friend who always gave their advice to the ppl dat needs. i want u. i NEED u. i want a heart to heart conversations. in dat, no mask over our faces and no locked doors in our hearts. just... the truth.
mybe thats juz who u are. mybe u neva wanna tell ppl.. u juz keep it to urself. feeling frustrated on ur own.. mybe u want ppl to noe by themselves. cmon. u can't expect ppl to noe every single thing about u. we're not GOD. we're juz human. no matter how they say they really understand u, ur da only one who understand urself betta. but they can understand u. unless u tell them. dats da thing. u dun tell. again. u keep it to urself. it hurts u know, to see u being all down n thinking through all those things on ur own. when u dun realise, sumbody is watching u from faraway... every single thing u do.. wondering how to to get into ur mind. how to get into ur heart. cuz i feel so faraway when ur juz rite there.... no matter how hard i try to avoid, i keep asking myself. who am i to u... its not dat i'm doubting how u feel towards me... but to be honest with u, i feel like i'm juz one of them.. i'm not really that special to u... i'm juz... an anybody... yet i'm not entirely a nobody. at least...
i know.. sumtimes truth hurts alot more than a lie. but living in a lie is much more worst than the truth. trust me. been there, done dat. n i think u do too. but how wud u feel when i'm thinking about u, but i neva tell u wut i feel towards u. i mean it is about u. so obviously u ave da rite to noe it too. well,.... i noe how i feel... it doesn't matter if its not about me dat u r thinking... all i noe... dat i feel so hopeless n helpless standing rite next to u... cuz i can't do a thing.. n u go do the same ol thing... yeah dis is so u.. u standing rite in front me looking through me... lost in ur own thoughts.. while i feel like a dummy... n it hurts sumtimes, dat i'm not da one ur looking for.. but i respect ur decision.. mybe im not da one u need... but it still hurts no matter how hard i try.. i'm sorry but imagine, u spend ur whole life thinking dat u wud always be there. no! u r there. ur always there rite next to dat person. n u said to him/her, i'm here. dun worry. i'll always catch u when u fall. but then, juz when dat person is falling, he/she refuse of ur helping hand. b'coz y? he/she wants sumbody else. but i still respect u my dear. again.. mybe i'm not wut u need.. mybe i'm not da one u need... so its ok.. mybe "i need u" dat u said bfore wasn't really towards me i guess.. but to sumbody else.. but its ok.. i understand.. n i respect dat.
rite now.. all i want u to noe...
is dat i'm still here...still standing strong rite beside u...trust me..i'm still.. if u say dat i'm not there always.. now dats a lie.. b'coz i'm always there.. da truth? is dat u cudn't c me anymore. dats y u seem to think dat i'm not there..u look through me. wut do u expect? plus.. ur looking away from me rite now... u always do... guess da ol saying was true.. humans neva really look and see wut they already had. instead they searched for sumfing dat is not there.
well u probably ave tons of friends to care about u more than i do.. but wateva happens.. i'm still here.. u like me, u love me, u miss me, u hate me, u despise me,u push me away... i'm still here...
...................just call me when u need me.....


ps: this letter is not directly for one person. it may be him.. it may be her... but it involves da ppls dat i love. and probably its about me as well. wtv it is, lets just check ourselves shall we. cuz we may not noe n realise dat there r so many ppl dat care about urself dat u feel miserablely lonely when u shudn't. n sumtimes u feel life is so cruel to u, when u neva see thoroughly how dear the life to u. pls, dun jump conclusions n dun take it by da heart. any confusion, just be honest with me. cuz we humans ave so many different perspectives. so my advice, dun jump to conclusion. n dun interpret it da wrong way. thx for reading anyway. good morning,good day,good year n good life.


funny notes 1: no matter how much i lied saying dat i despise how dat gurl act in front of me and her atttitude towards me, i've been missing her ever since she started stop talking to me. ever since all those madness started to happen between us.
she was the first to know how i feel. now... i am da last to be on her list.

funny notes 2: its true wut zaki said. how ironicly my life works. last time my dad said when he got that promotion " u move backwards one step and u propel two steps forward." while in my condition, u lost one person while in the process u gain two person back in ur life. psssh. da funny thing is i need the one dat i lost. huh. wtv. life ohhhhh life.

funny notes 3: we both were wrong. but mostly was me. she trusted me. but i used it against her. i shudn't ave. just be'cuz i was searching n grabbing to da happiness i've always wanted, da people around me got hurt during da process. i ain't saying dat i'm regretting for finding my one true love. but how i wish it wudn't affect badly towards other ppl. but i guess happiness comes wiv big sacrifices. i neva fought for my happiness. cuz once i hold the happiness in my hands, somebody gets hurt. instead i gave it up n turn around. well i didn't turn around dis. cuz dat happiness is with me right now. n i hope it will always be. i noe it will. we'll get through this together. thick or thin. n fyi, i'm talking to you ashikin/ash/ken/ashie/ etc...
last monday night, was da beginning of all. n i thank you for dat. i miss it so much dat it hurts inside. how i can still remember u were da first to saw me cry at 9. u knew me from da beginning. u crazy gurl. ha.ha.. there so many things i wish i cud say. heh.. lets juz reminisce and laugh laugh laugh shall we? :)

funny notes 4: i better stop wiv this post. cuz i now its never gonna ave an ending if i dun stop at once. haha i ave tons to spill. but i guess my tiny brain can't handle too much memory dat i lost it. pffft effing brain. ngeh i still love u cuz u still work. haha good ol brain. oh i've been working on this post. for so long. but i didn't ave time to finish it up. pfft. ngeeh can't blame me, trial got me by da neck. haha oh practically i stop blogging b'coz of trial. haha oh well. n i really hope my.. hem... my moosy.... it feels so awkward.. oh yeah it's been awhile since i wrote dat in blog or buletin. wtv..... anyway but to my point. i really hope my moosy get da chance to read dis b4 he go back to his hometown tomorrow. n sorry i didn't call last nite. i didn't know u were waiting for my call. u dun usually do.. wait...dat sounded so wrong... em.. moving on!!!!


aaaaaah i hate dis posttttttttt. y??? cuz there so many things to say!!! i can't even remember any one of it. afters days laying on my bed.... so many things.. just fly to sky...ugh note to self, next time ave sumfing to say write it down on a piece of paper. then check. put up on blog!!!

toodly woodly doooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

selamat b'puasa utk 2 hari lagi n selamat hari raya!

Labels: my voice

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Back to Home
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ok, so here's the thing.

i've got tons of things to say. not to mention, while i was laying on my bed,every sentence dat i wanna write in my blog pops out of nowhere. but it seems everytime i try to write it in the blog, i frgot all those wonderful lines that i feel so pissed off with myself for aving short-term memory in all the good stuff i produce. instead i cramped myself up with the bad stuff of life n bcoz i'm stuck in remembering all the negativity dat i try to make myself like a clown in my whole entire life. usually being optimistic is not a bad thing, thinking from the good side of the story. yeah i can live with that. but guess what, it ain't easy as it said. yeah yeah words are too easy. face, hah much more worst. you can easily deceive ppl. especially when lying is in the palm of your hand.pfft i just lost my point here. well if you have any characteristic from above, well let me tell you sumfing, u can't fool a fool. well apparently i'm a fool. so lets cut to the chase, i can see through u. wateva you do, wateva you say, wateva you think. its not always true. hey everybody ave their own little lie. but i ave been lying for my whole life. n i'm not saying dis proudly actually or just to be a big head, but i apparently can see all ur tricks. n its killing me actually. cuz i know wuts in ur heart.
all ur words. it doesn't mean a thing.
even when u dun say a word, ur face shows everything.
even when ur emotionless, i noe wut ur thinking.
look, we all noe that this is neva gonna end if no one is opening up. and bcoz of dat, i ave to figure dis out all by myself. finding the clues to all the puzzles dat u've made. or maybe i'm da one who cause all this? i dunno. i'm still trying to suit all the pieces. n guess wut? sum pieces is still missing.
where? dunno.
how? dunno.
what? not what.
but who. its u.
huh..look, i'm not saying as if i'm not like dat too. i mean.. yeah i go through the same hell thing.. i fake my smile, i laugh when i wanna cry. but i do tell. ask anybody. well not anybody, but ppl dat are close n dear to me. i do tell how i feel sumtimes. n it ease me alil bit. yet part of me wishes dat u were the one who was there by my side listening to my confessions. but i dun want to be the only one who confess while u being there like an advice talking booth. i dun want another councelor or a friend who always gave their advice to the ppl dat needs. i want u. i NEED u. i want a heart to heart conversations. in dat, no mask over our faces and no locked doors in our hearts. just... the truth.
mybe thats juz who u are. mybe u neva wanna tell ppl.. u juz keep it to urself. feeling frustrated on ur own.. mybe u want ppl to noe by themselves. cmon. u can't expect ppl to noe every single thing about u. we're not GOD. we're juz human. no matter how they say they really understand u, ur da only one who understand urself betta. but they can understand u. unless u tell them. dats da thing. u dun tell. again. u keep it to urself. it hurts u know, to see u being all down n thinking through all those things on ur own. when u dun realise, sumbody is watching u from faraway... every single thing u do.. wondering how to to get into ur mind. how to get into ur heart. cuz i feel so faraway when ur juz rite there.... no matter how hard i try to avoid, i keep asking myself. who am i to u... its not dat i'm doubting how u feel towards me... but to be honest with u, i feel like i'm juz one of them.. i'm not really that special to u... i'm juz... an anybody... yet i'm not entirely a nobody. at least...
i know.. sumtimes truth hurts alot more than a lie. but living in a lie is much more worst than the truth. trust me. been there, done dat. n i think u do too. but how wud u feel when i'm thinking about u, but i neva tell u wut i feel towards u. i mean it is about u. so obviously u ave da rite to noe it too. well,.... i noe how i feel... it doesn't matter if its not about me dat u r thinking... all i noe... dat i feel so hopeless n helpless standing rite next to u... cuz i can't do a thing.. n u go do the same ol thing... yeah dis is so u.. u standing rite in front me looking through me... lost in ur own thoughts.. while i feel like a dummy... n it hurts sumtimes, dat i'm not da one ur looking for.. but i respect ur decision.. mybe im not da one u need... but it still hurts no matter how hard i try.. i'm sorry but imagine, u spend ur whole life thinking dat u wud always be there. no! u r there. ur always there rite next to dat person. n u said to him/her, i'm here. dun worry. i'll always catch u when u fall. but then, juz when dat person is falling, he/she refuse of ur helping hand. b'coz y? he/she wants sumbody else. but i still respect u my dear. again.. mybe i'm not wut u need.. mybe i'm not da one u need... so its ok.. mybe "i need u" dat u said bfore wasn't really towards me i guess.. but to sumbody else.. but its ok.. i understand.. n i respect dat.
rite now.. all i want u to noe...
is dat i'm still here...still standing strong rite beside u...trust me..i'm still.. if u say dat i'm not there always.. now dats a lie.. b'coz i'm always there.. da truth? is dat u cudn't c me anymore. dats y u seem to think dat i'm not there..u look through me. wut do u expect? plus.. ur looking away from me rite now... u always do... guess da ol saying was true.. humans neva really look and see wut they already had. instead they searched for sumfing dat is not there.
well u probably ave tons of friends to care about u more than i do.. but wateva happens.. i'm still here.. u like me, u love me, u miss me, u hate me, u despise me,u push me away... i'm still here...
...................just call me when u need me.....


ps: this letter is not directly for one person. it may be him.. it may be her... but it involves da ppls dat i love. and probably its about me as well. wtv it is, lets just check ourselves shall we. cuz we may not noe n realise dat there r so many ppl dat care about urself dat u feel miserablely lonely when u shudn't. n sumtimes u feel life is so cruel to u, when u neva see thoroughly how dear the life to u. pls, dun jump conclusions n dun take it by da heart. any confusion, just be honest with me. cuz we humans ave so many different perspectives. so my advice, dun jump to conclusion. n dun interpret it da wrong way. thx for reading anyway. good morning,good day,good year n good life.


funny notes 1: no matter how much i lied saying dat i despise how dat gurl act in front of me and her atttitude towards me, i've been missing her ever since she started stop talking to me. ever since all those madness started to happen between us.
she was the first to know how i feel. now... i am da last to be on her list.

funny notes 2: its true wut zaki said. how ironicly my life works. last time my dad said when he got that promotion " u move backwards one step and u propel two steps forward." while in my condition, u lost one person while in the process u gain two person back in ur life. psssh. da funny thing is i need the one dat i lost. huh. wtv. life ohhhhh life.

funny notes 3: we both were wrong. but mostly was me. she trusted me. but i used it against her. i shudn't ave. just be'cuz i was searching n grabbing to da happiness i've always wanted, da people around me got hurt during da process. i ain't saying dat i'm regretting for finding my one true love. but how i wish it wudn't affect badly towards other ppl. but i guess happiness comes wiv big sacrifices. i neva fought for my happiness. cuz once i hold the happiness in my hands, somebody gets hurt. instead i gave it up n turn around. well i didn't turn around dis. cuz dat happiness is with me right now. n i hope it will always be. i noe it will. we'll get through this together. thick or thin. n fyi, i'm talking to you ashikin/ash/ken/ashie/ etc...
last monday night, was da beginning of all. n i thank you for dat. i miss it so much dat it hurts inside. how i can still remember u were da first to saw me cry at 9. u knew me from da beginning. u crazy gurl. ha.ha.. there so many things i wish i cud say. heh.. lets juz reminisce and laugh laugh laugh shall we? :)

funny notes 4: i better stop wiv this post. cuz i now its never gonna ave an ending if i dun stop at once. haha i ave tons to spill. but i guess my tiny brain can't handle too much memory dat i lost it. pffft effing brain. ngeh i still love u cuz u still work. haha good ol brain. oh i've been working on this post. for so long. but i didn't ave time to finish it up. pfft. ngeeh can't blame me, trial got me by da neck. haha oh practically i stop blogging b'coz of trial. haha oh well. n i really hope my.. hem... my moosy.... it feels so awkward.. oh yeah it's been awhile since i wrote dat in blog or buletin. wtv..... anyway but to my point. i really hope my moosy get da chance to read dis b4 he go back to his hometown tomorrow. n sorry i didn't call last nite. i didn't know u were waiting for my call. u dun usually do.. wait...dat sounded so wrong... em.. moving on!!!!


aaaaaah i hate dis posttttttttt. y??? cuz there so many things to say!!! i can't even remember any one of it. afters days laying on my bed.... so many things.. just fly to sky...ugh note to self, next time ave sumfing to say write it down on a piece of paper. then check. put up on blog!!!

toodly woodly doooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

selamat b'puasa utk 2 hari lagi n selamat hari raya!

Labels: my voice