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is it selfish of me to have this feeling of wanting and hoping and wishing that he will eventually show up in front of my door in one piece with his cheeky sweet smile and laughing at me?
"Hai sayang, did I scare ya ?"

is it wrong for my to ask and wish that this was all a joke just to make me realise how much i really love him ?

cause for once, i actually can't face the truth that he's laying in the hospital weak and hurt..

for all my life, i've been demanding to know the truth, to live with only the truth.

but now..
for once... i am actually denying the truth.. running from it..

i've come to a point where i feel like i'm never gonna be okay.
not until his standing right in front of me now..

it feels like i'm being myself when i was in 2009.

i need him.
i really, really need him.
and i need him to know that.
so badly..

i'm overreacting.
he's not gonna die right ?
how stupid can i get? hahaha

"keraguan ini, bukanlah pada mu,
perasaan hati masih rindu,
kakalutan ini, hanyalah untukmu,
tercari-cari, bayanganmu,
tak sanggup aku, kehilanganmu."

what do you expect ?
you hear sad songs, of course you will end up being all sad and moody.
but i can't.
i can't stop listening to it..

Allah must love me very much for putting me in a such terrible position.

results are coming out.
i have yet to hangout with friends.
sorry gjie, i know that you were expecting to see me this week.
everything is just messed up..

tomorrow i have a job to do,
my mum asked me to teach her staffs the nobody dance.
i should be happy, since i love dancing..
but i'm not..
its weird..

everything is wrong..
i'm... all... wrong,,
and i know i should be strong..
but its just so hard..

i'm dying to know how is he doing..
i want to see him..
i want to look into his eyes and say i need him..
i love him..

stupid fasya, he's doing fasya.
for god sake.
i feel like pulling the trigger...

god, i will not sleep, until he's in my arms..
let the time passes quickly..

ps; i can't stop crying.
i miss you oppa...
byane.. saranghae..


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Wednesday, June 9, 2010 12:15 AM
Posted by — Fasya Ibrahim.
FASYA IBRAHIM (facebook)
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