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from a far

p/s: before you read this, i wud like to say dat this is not like a diary or anyfing actually. ok alil bit. but it's been awhile since i ave this urge to do a story. i dunno y. no. not a story like telling my story or anyfing. its like doing a novel. yup. like one of my favourite author, Tony Parsons, Jacqueline Wilson, Cecelia Ahern. but whether this is fiction or based on true story(or my true life story) that is for me to know and you to find out. :) enjoy.

how strange and unique how our eyes grows with our thoughts.
just yesterday you were walking through da same road you go through everyday n you came across an unusual road dat u've never seen n never went through it before. and as time passes by, you've juz realize dat time took you to dat road again but this time is different, you are walking through that road that you've watched from a distance. the road that makes you wonder, where does it lead? well da answers was
juz rite in front of you n you were like unwrapping a package to see whats inside.

today is different. i felt it in my guts. i'm the type of person who like to see things for its beauty. you may think i'm crazy but i take my eyes seriously. and i am thankful that i was born normal. well partially normal. i don't take a glimpse of look. i don't look things as it is a small thing but i do not expand it sight. however, i admire it. that is how i live my life till today. yet if i didn't take a second look towards sumfing then that maybe means i cudn't take my eyes off from sumfing dat i cared n deared da most. so practically the theory of you can't seem to see anyone else but that person/ thing you love is true. and most of my time admiring thing will lead me to a silent moment. so practically if i am being quieter than i use to, that means i'm thinking sumfing. yes, i guess you can labelled me as the most easiest person to lost in thoughts. as i admire,i think. when i think, i compose words to describe how i feel. and as words combined into a sentence in my mind, i write. and that is why you are reading this. take note that as you are reading this, you are reading my thoughts. but don't get too smarty pants. coz maybe the meaning that i am about to send to you its not as what you think. and sometimes words that are fully constructed can still came out wrong. but that is juz life. you may not know why, but it will come to you one day when you will say, 'i will not achieve this success/happiness if it wasn't for the mistake that i ave done.' that is called karma.

it is either my brain is receiving too much impulses that it wrongly miscalculated the response or my instinct is telling me sumfing. but that is sumfing we do not know. thats juz da mysteries of life. but today is different.its not that every other day is nt different but its funny and amazing how admiring things by looking at it can make your brain interpret oh so much. he was different. no wait. he was the same guy that i knew but he look different. not by his physical appearance, but his eyes tell me that his mind is different. watching him walking towards me from far, thinking how i was rite about him still being there. but then that eyes. all my proud thoughts vanished n it focus on one nerve response. him. mybe i am analysing his body language too much but that is juz me. i have been deceived too many times for too long. but past has teached me dat there is only one thing that they can never lie to me. their eyes. all those words they say, all their facial expression. they can lie at the outer side but never the inner. 'sorry'. thats what he said. i'm not sure whether he is saying it to me or to himself. funny thing about the brain is that it has too many interpreters to interpret thousands of signals that they cudn't really identified how other ppl feel. dat proves dat we are mortal human being. while other ppl continued talking to themselves, he just stares at the empty space. walking like a living doll. there he goes, that eyes again. obviously you don't need to read his mind to know that he is thinking. but what makes it different that the eyes were serious as the thoughts in his mind thinking. so practically i can guess dat he is thinking sumfing big. or at least important in his life. probably da test really affect him. 'how was it?'. no response. exactly. it is either i talk too slow which sumhow hard to believe dat or he was too deep in his adventure of thoughts in his mind. at time like this you appreciate the priceless apportunity to admire him from near wivout being ashamed of him noticing me doing it. watching his eyes, his movements, that face,... wondering how i get so lucky,what is he thinking, shud i ask him, will he tell me, and the list went on n on. funny but that is juz how our amazing brain work. sorry putting u lot of trouble brain.

but brain doesn't always has advantages, there are times when u will be deceive by the thoughts n it flows to the heart, influencing your emotions and all. and then we venture to the negativity of life, y isn't he telling me, he's not thinking about me isn't he, who am i in your heart, am i a doll to you, i feel u lying, i feared that fake smile of yours. but then again when i think back, every single thing that i ask myself just now was the same thing i did throughout my life, whether willingly or not. we tend to gaze to an empty space sumtimes to get our mind rite on the track. we tend to keep ourself silent to concentrate on the issues. so as the brain conclude the nerve response, we make options in the process and predict every each possibilities of what will happen if you pick that option. ' how was it' asked again. 'oh' like waking up from a trance ,'well the usual stuff '. he will eventually tell if he wants. at least dats what i'm hoping for. yet if he doesn't want to tell maybe he knows how to take control of it by himself. 'it never burdens me if you tell, yet it is your choice. just so u know, i'll always here for you and forever will. so don't get caught up in your own thoughts. one may seem lil but how about two? it doesn't hurt does it? a helping hand can make it easier to mend.'

[part one]

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Friday, September 5, 2008 11:09 PM
Posted by — Fasya Ibrahim.
FASYA IBRAHIM (facebook)
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