FASYA IBRAHIM

My Template works best
on Mozilla Firefox and
Google Chrome, sorry :)
Back to Home
« »

313th post

i'm still not sure what i want to write for this post.
hemm *thinking hard*

maybe i should tell the truth ?
right.
maybe... sigh i really don't know if this is such a good idea.

this is so me. always worrying other people and what others would react to my actions and words.
i mean, i shouldn't limit myself this way.
being afraid to open up is like being afraid to accept others in, right ?

but the truth is, i'm just afraid of the consequences.

i mean, if i tell them the truth,
people will just misunderstood my intentions.

all my life, i've been misunderstood by alot of people.
i mean, what did i do wrong ?
so what if i let out my feelings and tell you the whole truth.
i don't ask anything in return.

so what if i say i love you, its not like i want you to love me back.
well if you do, then that makes me happy.
but its not a must.

i mean, its my heart.
you can't force it to not love or to love.

and stop saying that you understand how i feel, cause it doesn't helps.
and stop saying that i deserve much better.
if i do, would i be in this state ?

the funny thing is, they said that those who hurt you are the stupid people.
because they don't appreciate the most precious gift in front of them.
but why ?
why i feel like i'm the one who is stupid, when i'm the one who's being hurt by them ?
and it just never stop.

this heart, it hurts.
the pain. it bleeds.
and still it never heals.

sometimes...

there are times i asked my self,
though this heart hurts so much, walking around with such burden clamp to chest,
it still beats.
it still beats for them. for you.
why ?
*sigh*

but still. no answer could be found.

ok. enough.
i hate this.
i hate crying while writing.
but i still do it anyway.

somehow, i can imagine how he felt when he read that post.
and i curse my self silently knowing that i hurt him.
i might be wrong.
but i know he's hurt by that post.
MAYBE.

i can't read minds. but somehow i can predict his unpredictable mind.

"no matter what i tried to do,
i keep on forgetting to forget about you "

i know i'm stronger than this.
i know i am.
but why does my heart feels so weak ?

i hate having these feelings.
hopeless, useless, worthless.

it's like everything i do is just meaningless.
if everything is just meaningless, then why am i wasting my time ?

but i keep on trying to believe that everything has a reason behind it.
why is it so hard to find a reason for this one ?

they said if you found someone new and better, you'll soon forget the past and move on.
why i'm not the same as them ?
why instead of saying yes, i said no and AGAIN,
i'm stuck.
in this freaking haunted past.

no matter how much you try to break these glass walls of mine, you can't break through it.
and it's sad, because it wasn't your fault to begin with.

i'm waiting for the day..
the day when i can say that i'm happy.
thats all.

sheesh, i talked too much that i lost my point.
right, the truth.

i bet nobody is gonna read this post.
if you are reading this, i guess i'm loved then. heh

anyway, this is the truth;

i love you.
i love you very very much.
God knows when i will stop loving you.
but for now, i love you.
no matter how much heartache, frustration and disappointment i had to go through because of you,
i just can't stop loving you.

and no matter how much my hearts ache, hurting so badly that i feel so mad and making me thinking i hate you so much,
i still can't hate you.
i'll come back to my senses and regret that i feel mad at you.
cause i realise, that i wasn't mad.
i was just sad that i'm not appreciated.
eventhough i'm already used to being not appreciated, but it's hard when it comes from you.

unfortunately, another wall has been build up around my heart.
and this wall will always reminds me how i can't accept anyone anymore.

and this might hurt you, but i think that you will never come back.
correct me if i'm wrong.

honestly, i do feel jealous when i saw couples walking around snuggling with each other.
but never once i'm tempted to say yes, when people ask me to be with them.
i just felt that you should know that.

well, i guess i'll stop here.
it's already a long post.
eventhough i know there's alot more truth i need to tell you.
but i think nobody reads this.

i don't believe in forever.
and i don't think there's anything good about goodbyes.
what i believe is right now.
and i'm gonna live like i'm gonna die.
lol

ps; friends with benefits will always be friends with benefits.
but as long as i have you as a friend, thats fine by me.

i miss you, i love you, and i want you only, pfft
FASYA
xoxo

Labels: love, sadness

Links