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So... I've been trying to write something on this blog but whenever I write something, I think it sounds stupid so I start all over again.

Anyway, I forgot the password to this blog. A sudden anxiety rush crawled up my spine. After few trial and error, poof nailed it. I mean I'm writing this, so you get the point.
Oh gosh, I think I just made myself sound so tiresome. :|

It's been so long... and I decided to write again because.. well I started to rant again. I mean I always rant but this time is like long rants of mostly everything. So I thought to myself, maybe it's time to start murdering my blog again. Not that anyone would read it anyway. I don't even know if my friends are still on blog. Except for Casey, cause I just saw her recent posts. That means she's still active with blogging.

And then, I was thinking of making a new blog.... Hem.
Well that's that. Still here. :|
Oh god, I sound so.. monotonous. Is that even right? Well I just know I sound unlively right now.

Ooh let's talk about my life now. Well it's... hem. I'd be lying if I say I'm content. I wish I was. I mean it's like I don't even know if I have succumb with the pressure that I am going through or maybe I just decided to stop trying. Either way, I am unhappy for a lot of reasons but I.. don't really care so I am not unhappy? It's confusing.

I'm.. trying.. so hard to get my voice heard by those who should listen. But.. every time I speak up, it's like they make me feel so small like I don't deserve to say anything. Feel anything. It's like I'm this insignificant human being living in world with people who keeps pushing me down until I don't even feel I worth anything.

And it's so suffocating.. exhausting to even breathe. I'm gasping for at least someone to actually notice that I'm dying.

They said, I'm just playing the victim. The world is not against me. It's me who is acting as if it is. It's so easy for them to say it when they actually get to speak up but when I speak up, nobody hears me.

.......huh.......


I am.. at a point.. where I just don't have the will to even fight. It's sad, cause when I read all my old posts, I've wrote so much sadness in this blog that I forgot what happiness feels like.

This blog has become my one and only place where I vent all my frustrations at. Just so that I can published it and then get back to world and turn into that happy, positive persona. Hmm.



I'm such a sore loser. I can't reach out to anyone because I'm afraid of annoying them or getting rejections. So like I said, I just succumb to the pain. Live with it.


On a side notes, I've started to watch all the movies that I have downloaded yet have not watch. That's good. Oh well, I hope when I write the next post, I'll be less dull and negative.


F

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"I'm going to smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything's perfect, act like it's all a dream, and pretend it's not hurting me."

But it hurts even more by pretending, doesn't it?

So I finished watching Once Upon A Time season 1, just to know that the ending was incomplete, and for me to know what happens next, I need to watch the 2nd season.

Can't blame the production. I mean, 'We can't give them every lil details. It ruins the mystery and the desire to continue to be loyal to the series.'

Yeah, I think I get that. Haha



I love the fact that they really tried so hard to make it as logical as possible to the fairy tale. Of course there are twists of the stories and it has a lot of conflicts, more than I can actually handle. Buuuuuut... the story really moved me.


Though I am all against having an affair, I made an exception for this story because Ginnifer was playing the role of Snow White :p
I must say my gegurl crush towards her really cloud my perception.
But it doesn't change the fact that having an affair is still WRONG.



"You must be so lonely that only the suffering of others can make you happy."

Boom !

Well as always, or as a typical girl, I do relate myself to the story and find myself thinking I am the heroin of the story.

Oh prince charming..

To meet someone who meant everything to you, yet only to find you both are just not meant to be. Why do we fall to one another only to get separated?

Yeah, I'm pretty much blabbering right now.
So yeah, Goodnight.
Whereever/whoever you are reading this, just know that.. You're not alone. I'm lonely. But I'm not alone. I'm with you :)


And sometimes, you just gotta let it go. Cause God knows whats best for you.









27

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Right now I just need to distance myself from love to see who is willing enough to break down these walls.
I can't do this anymore. I've been hurt for far too long. I've given many chances to the wrong people.
I've let myself be loved and treated wrongly. No one can love me like I love myself.
If being alone is what it takes, then so be it.

I'm done. I fear everything due to all the pain that was inflicted in me. Now I just want to feel happy again. Like closing my eyes and feeling the raindrops on my hands one by one..

A man once taught me what love really means. I'm just thankful that at least I'd learned something. And maybe when the time comes, I will be able to tell if its love or just.. loneliness :)

They were right, it is best to loved and lost.
To appreciate the next opportunity when it comes.

I'm scared... sad.. lonely.. but I know I'll get through this. Just like.. old times :')

There's no more tears left to cry. Thats how much it hurts me.
Like everyone is out to get me... like I'm living in my own nightmare in reality.
I really want to cry right now. Like my heart is pounding and aching and my eyes are burning in fear, pain and suffering.
but I realised that I have cried over and over again until there's no more tears left.

Memories... What I miss the most is memories..
It's haunting me.. the face, the place, the feeling, the moment.. the touch..
huh..


Goodnight.. at least i know i'm not alone.
scared, sad... and lonely is accompanying me :')


ps; walking towards the future, with my heart chained to your memories...

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I keep telling myself 'Do not hurt the ones you love'
But again, without my own self concious, I would end up doing it.
Its just.. knowing that I hurt them, just makes me weak.
At some point, I'm about to just run off and disappear from this world.

Oh yeah, apparently because I can't win any arguments with anyone because I will always give up, I end up putting all the blames on me. and thats when things haunt me down until I breakdown for good.

Huh...

God, You trust me too much. This pain, is just too much for me to handle. Pls... You know me better than myself. I just really need to smile without having so much pain in my heart.

ps; I'm sorry...

Labels: ramadhan/raya, sadness

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I'm done. This is it.
While listening to this song, imma make myself stop overthinking about those stupid things that shouldn't really matter to begin with.
This has stop. I didn't came here for this. If there is someone that can smack me back to reality, it just has to be me. Cause no matter what, it ain't gonna start if it doesnt start with myself.

So let's have a toast for the douche-bags, let's have toast for the assholes, let's have a toast for skunk-bags, and everyone that I know !

so yeah.
lets turn this anger to something productive fasya. nah nah nah. don't go there again.
you're being like this its cause you just been putting up with loneliness for far too long. nah nah nah. lonely has been ur friend for a looooong time.

its about time to just embrace it and love it.

oh god, i sound like psycho, right?


huh... i just need to slow down.. what have i been doing this whole time. i've becoming something that i was so afraid of being last 3 years ago. i told myself that i dont want to go back there anymore...

oekaki. i'm sorry. if you have the ability to talk, you might just curse me for posting loads of shits on you.

ps; let the time pass by.

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And I just haaad to post this !
I swear I wanted to scream and bite my lil obnoxious brother from my sweet lala-land.
How could he do this to me, knowing that I have to wake up early tomorrow :( (and as we speak, the tomorrow that I am stating here, has turn to be TODAY -__- )

But then after a while not logging in my youtube channel, I realise that I have been lacking off from all the new updates.
The thing is, it's not like I'm a huuuuuge fan of kpop. It takes alot for me to like a group or a song itself. I might only like a song from one group and then thats that. Won't care the names of the members or even want to know updates about them no more.

So yeah, moving on (trust me, this is going to be a long post. so feel free to switch to other site if you're bored :) )

I saw an update from one of the channels I subscribed and it's a dance crew from vietnam that does covers of dance from alot of kpop groups.. which is how I stumble a group named EXO.

and lets make this an official post for them. Congrats EXO-K. You have succeeded giving me goosebumps. And the last time I had this feeling was when I watched Mirotic and Rising Sun (or maybe all songs lol) by DBSK.

The melody, the beat, the choreography, the video, the.. garrrghh ! huh...
and yeah, the teasers. I.. how.. urgh.. speechless.. no no, its ok, you don't need to search anything. Imma make your life worthwhile reading this by putting all the links of the videos.

So nice of me kan ? ;) haha



plsss plss, I am begging you to not move from this video once you reach the 2 minutes. and once you've watched it, you would understand what i mean.

and about the group, I havent done much investigating, cause I'm starting to regret not able to sleep back.

oh yeah, here's the video that gave me goosebumps. incredible song! :O



and trust me, the only person that I can identify is kai who looks like taemin from shinee, se hyun who also looks like taemin (at least to me eyes, or maybe i'm blind.. hmm) and d.o
other than those three, the other three just looks like twins. or triple. lol



so yeah, I will not like a group fully unless they can do live. so, passed ! ngeh *shrugs* haha just kidding, they got 2 vocalist with really good high notes and they can do it live.
so enough said, smtown has created an awesome group :D


with that said and done, good morning and off to doze just for a few minutes before my date with my orthodontist. *rolls eyes* Dah bosan ok ? this love-hate relationship with my braces.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, semoga selamat perjalananku ke Melaka hari ini :)

Labels: blogging, random, songs

Post a Comment
let's continue stalking this post? :)

Back to Home
« »

So... I've been trying to write something on this blog but whenever I write something, I think it sounds stupid so I start all over again.

Anyway, I forgot the password to this blog. A sudden anxiety rush crawled up my spine. After few trial and error, poof nailed it. I mean I'm writing this, so you get the point.
Oh gosh, I think I just made myself sound so tiresome. :|

It's been so long... and I decided to write again because.. well I started to rant again. I mean I always rant but this time is like long rants of mostly everything. So I thought to myself, maybe it's time to start murdering my blog again. Not that anyone would read it anyway. I don't even know if my friends are still on blog. Except for Casey, cause I just saw her recent posts. That means she's still active with blogging.

And then, I was thinking of making a new blog.... Hem.
Well that's that. Still here. :|
Oh god, I sound so.. monotonous. Is that even right? Well I just know I sound unlively right now.

Ooh let's talk about my life now. Well it's... hem. I'd be lying if I say I'm content. I wish I was. I mean it's like I don't even know if I have succumb with the pressure that I am going through or maybe I just decided to stop trying. Either way, I am unhappy for a lot of reasons but I.. don't really care so I am not unhappy? It's confusing.

I'm.. trying.. so hard to get my voice heard by those who should listen. But.. every time I speak up, it's like they make me feel so small like I don't deserve to say anything. Feel anything. It's like I'm this insignificant human being living in world with people who keeps pushing me down until I don't even feel I worth anything.

And it's so suffocating.. exhausting to even breathe. I'm gasping for at least someone to actually notice that I'm dying.

They said, I'm just playing the victim. The world is not against me. It's me who is acting as if it is. It's so easy for them to say it when they actually get to speak up but when I speak up, nobody hears me.

.......huh.......


I am.. at a point.. where I just don't have the will to even fight. It's sad, cause when I read all my old posts, I've wrote so much sadness in this blog that I forgot what happiness feels like.

This blog has become my one and only place where I vent all my frustrations at. Just so that I can published it and then get back to world and turn into that happy, positive persona. Hmm.



I'm such a sore loser. I can't reach out to anyone because I'm afraid of annoying them or getting rejections. So like I said, I just succumb to the pain. Live with it.


On a side notes, I've started to watch all the movies that I have downloaded yet have not watch. That's good. Oh well, I hope when I write the next post, I'll be less dull and negative.


F

Back to Home
« »

"I'm going to smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything's perfect, act like it's all a dream, and pretend it's not hurting me."

But it hurts even more by pretending, doesn't it?

So I finished watching Once Upon A Time season 1, just to know that the ending was incomplete, and for me to know what happens next, I need to watch the 2nd season.

Can't blame the production. I mean, 'We can't give them every lil details. It ruins the mystery and the desire to continue to be loyal to the series.'

Yeah, I think I get that. Haha



I love the fact that they really tried so hard to make it as logical as possible to the fairy tale. Of course there are twists of the stories and it has a lot of conflicts, more than I can actually handle. Buuuuuut... the story really moved me.


Though I am all against having an affair, I made an exception for this story because Ginnifer was playing the role of Snow White :p
I must say my gegurl crush towards her really cloud my perception.
But it doesn't change the fact that having an affair is still WRONG.



"You must be so lonely that only the suffering of others can make you happy."

Boom !

Well as always, or as a typical girl, I do relate myself to the story and find myself thinking I am the heroin of the story.

Oh prince charming..

To meet someone who meant everything to you, yet only to find you both are just not meant to be. Why do we fall to one another only to get separated?

Yeah, I'm pretty much blabbering right now.
So yeah, Goodnight.
Whereever/whoever you are reading this, just know that.. You're not alone. I'm lonely. But I'm not alone. I'm with you :)


And sometimes, you just gotta let it go. Cause God knows whats best for you.









27

Back to Home
« »

Right now I just need to distance myself from love to see who is willing enough to break down these walls.
I can't do this anymore. I've been hurt for far too long. I've given many chances to the wrong people.
I've let myself be loved and treated wrongly. No one can love me like I love myself.
If being alone is what it takes, then so be it.

I'm done. I fear everything due to all the pain that was inflicted in me. Now I just want to feel happy again. Like closing my eyes and feeling the raindrops on my hands one by one..

A man once taught me what love really means. I'm just thankful that at least I'd learned something. And maybe when the time comes, I will be able to tell if its love or just.. loneliness :)

They were right, it is best to loved and lost.
To appreciate the next opportunity when it comes.

I'm scared... sad.. lonely.. but I know I'll get through this. Just like.. old times :')

There's no more tears left to cry. Thats how much it hurts me.
Like everyone is out to get me... like I'm living in my own nightmare in reality.
I really want to cry right now. Like my heart is pounding and aching and my eyes are burning in fear, pain and suffering.
but I realised that I have cried over and over again until there's no more tears left.

Memories... What I miss the most is memories..
It's haunting me.. the face, the place, the feeling, the moment.. the touch..
huh..


Goodnight.. at least i know i'm not alone.
scared, sad... and lonely is accompanying me :')


ps; walking towards the future, with my heart chained to your memories...

Back to Home
« »

I keep telling myself 'Do not hurt the ones you love'
But again, without my own self concious, I would end up doing it.
Its just.. knowing that I hurt them, just makes me weak.
At some point, I'm about to just run off and disappear from this world.

Oh yeah, apparently because I can't win any arguments with anyone because I will always give up, I end up putting all the blames on me. and thats when things haunt me down until I breakdown for good.

Huh...

God, You trust me too much. This pain, is just too much for me to handle. Pls... You know me better than myself. I just really need to smile without having so much pain in my heart.

ps; I'm sorry...

Labels: ramadhan/raya, sadness

Back to Home
« »

I'm done. This is it.
While listening to this song, imma make myself stop overthinking about those stupid things that shouldn't really matter to begin with.
This has stop. I didn't came here for this. If there is someone that can smack me back to reality, it just has to be me. Cause no matter what, it ain't gonna start if it doesnt start with myself.

So let's have a toast for the douche-bags, let's have toast for the assholes, let's have a toast for skunk-bags, and everyone that I know !

so yeah.
lets turn this anger to something productive fasya. nah nah nah. don't go there again.
you're being like this its cause you just been putting up with loneliness for far too long. nah nah nah. lonely has been ur friend for a looooong time.

its about time to just embrace it and love it.

oh god, i sound like psycho, right?


huh... i just need to slow down.. what have i been doing this whole time. i've becoming something that i was so afraid of being last 3 years ago. i told myself that i dont want to go back there anymore...

oekaki. i'm sorry. if you have the ability to talk, you might just curse me for posting loads of shits on you.

ps; let the time pass by.

Back to Home
« »

And I just haaad to post this !
I swear I wanted to scream and bite my lil obnoxious brother from my sweet lala-land.
How could he do this to me, knowing that I have to wake up early tomorrow :( (and as we speak, the tomorrow that I am stating here, has turn to be TODAY -__- )

But then after a while not logging in my youtube channel, I realise that I have been lacking off from all the new updates.
The thing is, it's not like I'm a huuuuuge fan of kpop. It takes alot for me to like a group or a song itself. I might only like a song from one group and then thats that. Won't care the names of the members or even want to know updates about them no more.

So yeah, moving on (trust me, this is going to be a long post. so feel free to switch to other site if you're bored :) )

I saw an update from one of the channels I subscribed and it's a dance crew from vietnam that does covers of dance from alot of kpop groups.. which is how I stumble a group named EXO.

and lets make this an official post for them. Congrats EXO-K. You have succeeded giving me goosebumps. And the last time I had this feeling was when I watched Mirotic and Rising Sun (or maybe all songs lol) by DBSK.

The melody, the beat, the choreography, the video, the.. garrrghh ! huh...
and yeah, the teasers. I.. how.. urgh.. speechless.. no no, its ok, you don't need to search anything. Imma make your life worthwhile reading this by putting all the links of the videos.

So nice of me kan ? ;) haha



plsss plss, I am begging you to not move from this video once you reach the 2 minutes. and once you've watched it, you would understand what i mean.

and about the group, I havent done much investigating, cause I'm starting to regret not able to sleep back.

oh yeah, here's the video that gave me goosebumps. incredible song! :O



and trust me, the only person that I can identify is kai who looks like taemin from shinee, se hyun who also looks like taemin (at least to me eyes, or maybe i'm blind.. hmm) and d.o
other than those three, the other three just looks like twins. or triple. lol



so yeah, I will not like a group fully unless they can do live. so, passed ! ngeh *shrugs* haha just kidding, they got 2 vocalist with really good high notes and they can do it live.
so enough said, smtown has created an awesome group :D


with that said and done, good morning and off to doze just for a few minutes before my date with my orthodontist. *rolls eyes* Dah bosan ok ? this love-hate relationship with my braces.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, semoga selamat perjalananku ke Melaka hari ini :)

Labels: blogging, random, songs